Many parents come to me with a question about their child. They want an appointment for their child. The child exhibits strange behavior, parents are scared and want it to be resolved.
When children have problems, parents have problems. Children are associated. They see, hear, talk, smell and taste. They are in the now.
Children are loyal, very loyal to the important people in their lives, their father and mother. If they are happy, children can fully associated in life. If a parent is unhappy, the child will react. The child is exhibiting behaviors that unconsciously directed the parents to distract in any way or make you happy.
The child with deviant behavior, so that the attention of the parent will be directed to that which the parent no longer focused on his or her unhappiness. The child distracts the attention, by itself generate problems. Many children are very good at this.
I once coached a girl of nine years, together with her parents. She dared not say anything and ashamed of anything and everything.
Actually, I coached the parents. The girl told me that she finds herself much less important than her parents. Which are much more important, she said. The mother had just told the same thing: I'm not important, it comes to my children. The father said: I'm not important, my family is the most important thing for me. Both parents can not be there for themselves, everything is external. The girl is afraid of all the external and begins to feel ashamed.
After it was clear, came first the mother and then the father into coaching. They had problems in life. When they could, the girl could be seen. She was no longer afraid of others and no longer ashamed of themselves. She had become important because her parents were themselves feel important. Important for themselves and thus for others. The girl got this confidence and is a healthy pre-adolescent becoming.
Children should not be coached. When children have problems parents should be coached.