If the young child the difference between me and you will discover his own will begin to develop. A tiring stage for many parents. And also a period when many parents end up in a power struggle that seems almost impossible to win. How do we survive these two stubborn old toddler who says no to everything and wants it?
In this both the parents and the child exhausting stage, the child learns the boundary between 'I' and 'you' draw. In addition, the child has all the conflicting feelings that a person has to experience and enjoy. These are love and hate, fear and courage. Therefore, any situation where the wishes of the parents clash with those of the child, a possible basis for a power struggle. The tantrums of little children have nothing to do with bad behavior or bad raised. The child can not simply different. If the frustration is greater than the child can tolerate, it burns him a fuse. And that frustration is often not understood by the parents, because in the eyes of adults are such little things. At this stage the child becomes more independent and discovers and learns that he can do things. And they want to do it themselves, even though they do not actually have it. And even though it can be a frustration in itself.
The child appears to be continuous, contrary to the parents. And while it is often one of the three classic reasons:
The child wants something, but do not get it.
The child wants to do something and it fails.
The child wants to do something and you can not.
Toddlers have a large arsenal of weapons that they then bets: yell, scream, shout, cry, let himself fall to the ground, head against the wall bumping, hitting, kicking, blue call while screaming and almost choke. The child wants to come back so how far he can go with the parents, how they react and what are the limits of his own power. The tantrums parents often give a feeling of powerlessness. But not only parents, but also the child is "on". The child reacts so violently because it wants to learn something. If the child has learned, it goes about that one subject, not as to time. Unfortunately it seems that the issues and moments in some toddlers almost boundless and endless.
The toddler needs a healthy dose of power struggle. After all, it is part of the development. Give the child so the space "No" may say. But then at the smaller issues and if it does not matter much to you.
Yes-No Try to avoid situations by giving the child choices or compromise. Limit the choice to two, at most three answers.
This is a good time to start your child to self chores. This indicates the child in a positive way is that which the struggle for power: own, personal choice and independence.
Pull it personal to you. Your child is everything to try, but do not deliberately to annoy you this. Remember that the child is the most opposes the person he is attached with it safely. He dares to go against you at times because he knows that you nevertheless continue to keep him and not leave him.
Introduce the alarm. If your child continues to nag and you still have to finish work: set the kitchen timer. Which goes off, then you make sure you're ready and the promise is fulfilled.
Set Boundaries. This is very important: Children need limits. If you give it not, the child is insecure and it must itself muddle. Do not be afraid to take the lead as being older. That's different than adamant his boss. As a parent, you set the limits and the rules and you have to make clear.
Avoid situations and games where the toddler has no chance. Especially if they are very sensitive to profit and loss.
Treat the attacks as an illness, as something that goes by, not a personal attack. That does not always work, but mothers and fathers are only human.
Prevent driftkikker can hurt or can break something. Otherwise it can later give him the feeling that nobody anger is the boss, not self mom or dad.
If at all possible, keep your child then firmly during the attack. If the attack is over the child turns into a heap of misery which will be comforted. The consolation whatsoever. Discuss the incident until the child recovers completely calm and able to talk to you. Gives the child not wanting to talk, is also good. Then do it if necessary at a later date.
Always end with a big hug and make sure that the child feels well again and laugh again. Show that you are not evil remains on him.
Anger not you any comments from bystanders. Though it happens in the middle of the grocery store: You know your child best and you're working with your child. But also do not react to love when others being present. That a child quickly and so you give it a trump card for the next time.
Pay the child is not returned in kind. The child punishment at that time because there is no point. I'm not asking you to let it go on your side, but during a tantrum, you can not get through to your child. Everything you say does not arrive. Do you find it yourself to explode, then walk out of the situation. But if possible, stay with your child to care for him, during and after the attack.
Rewarding is a very broad concept. A reward is more powerful than a punishment, because it ratified a positive action and / or a positive feeling. It works constructive. With a reward you give the child confidence and new energy. Your child it feels that you believe in him and loves him. Thus you build a band together.
Reward do you do if the child ..
Something has done well. That may be something that you asked him to do. It can also be something that he has done in themselves and what was good.
A task or job is finished.
Has listened to you and stopped annoying behavior.
Has learned something and you see that he brings it into practice.
Somehow his best to do, even though it did not succeed.
But just in passing, because you can tell what's been such a big boy or girl. At one moment you see your child and realize that you love him and proud of him.
And even at moments when something has gone terribly wrong and your child sits in sackcloth and ashes, your comfort is a kind of reward. Because the child is allowed to express and because he can make mistakes. There, too, he learns from.
Reward can be done through:
the voice. By praising him, give compliments, thank, tell them we are proud and love him. The intonation is important. What we say must be sincere, affectionate, lovable and friendly about coming. A reward can say with conviction, emphatically. Your voice sounds light, high and airy, cheerful.
personal reward to hug him, to give a kiss to stabbing a pat on the head, a pat on the shoulder or a thumb in the air.
a material reward by pasting stickers or a gift, biscuit, or giving candy.
an intangible reward to go play a game with him, along with a book, to tinker or to make TV watching.
an emotional reward from a piece to fully sincere attention, to laugh or to cry together together.