Support for child or infant death

Miscellaneous dandanflake August 8, 2016 0 0
If a child or a baby dies, it's horrible for the parents. Not everyone is the same at a loss. Still, there are things that can keep you in mind if you want to support parents who are past their child or their baby are lost. Despite the difficulties, your support can make a lot of difference to the processing of the loss.

If a baby or child dies

The moment you hear that a child or baby is deceased, this is obviously horrible. You live with it, you probably find yourself quite sad, and you want to do something for the parents. Perhaps you doubt whether you need to call or to send a card or flowers.

General: support

Listen carefully
The most important thing to give support to parents who have lost their child, is a good listener. This starts with hearing the news. Sometimes the news comes via a message inside, for example by telephone or e-mail, or by mail. In such a message is often indicated that the parents currently want to be alone with their grief. Here begins listening: respect this wish. So go along and do not call if the parents do not indicate a wish to visit, how well do you mean maybe it.
Let's hear from you
Even if the parents want some rest and so you'd better not call, it's a nice gesture to let through a ticket to know that you are thinking of them and sympathize with them. Do not leave it at that particular card. After you send a message a while or for example - unless parents explicitly declare not to want - call once.
Practical help
There needs to be much controlled. When a baby from 23-24 weeks gestation can be arranged in a funeral. Here transport needed. You can also think of cooking practical help in the form of a meal or doing the housework in the hospital or just after returning home). It's often things like grocery shopping and other practical matters where their head is not. It can also provide support. Make the parents can easy to just say 'yes'. Not "Can I help you?" but, "I'm going to the supermarket. What can I bring to you? " or "I know that you have a key under the mat lie. I'll just clean up his home tomorrow for you and vacuuming?
Caution: Do not do this yourself and respect 'no'. It can be very emotional to come home. Some parents helps if everything is tidy, while other parents just want to come home to a house where everything is exactly as they left it.


A miscarriage is not always seen as the loss of a child or a baby. Yet a deceased fruit, even if it is very early, not just anything. Take grief over a miscarriage than seriously. Parents can already really have attached to their unborn child. Maybe they figured out names or - later in pregnancy - in a nursery furnishings, bought stuff, etcetera. The moment you become pregnant prepare for the arrival of a baby and have your wishes and dreams. A miscarriage means an end to this. Whether you are pregnant or twenty two weeks when you lose a child, the grief can be just as large to be.
You can therefore a miscarriage same support as in past a deceased child.

Baby death

Not every parent needs stuffed toys, balloons, flowers, or other gifts. There are also those who just find a beautiful bouquet. There are few 'wrong' gifts because you show with a gift that you think of them.
A map will be highly appreciated at least in most cases.
The most important thing is that you do your best to provide support. Do this from your feelings.

Child death

When a child dies, it is for the parents often different than if a baby dies. You already know a child and often has a child himself even made friends. There are often more people involved in the death of a child.

What can you put on the card?

  • Name - name the name of the child or the baby. The parents have given this name carefully. You can say the name in your text or put on the front, for example, with "Day". Because "day" both a welcome and a farewell can be just as double as welcoming and saying goodbye to the baby, this is an appropriate word.
  • A personal message - if you really do not know what to say, you can find online many proverbs and poems. Choose in this case one that suits both you and their parents.

Ideas to provide additional support?

You can not ease the pain, but what you say or do can help.
  • Give it time - parents will always, even if it's years later, a reminder of when their child or baby is deceased. There is also grief and loss involved. One grabs the normal course of affairs, while others need more space to grieve.
  • Show proper understanding - until you've experienced yourself that your child or baby is deceased, you know how that feels. A comment like "I understand how you feel" may be misplaced if you've never experienced anything like it. Show therefore understands the grief, but also indicate that you can imagine what it will be difficult for them.
  • Be honest - you do not know whether you should ask after a certain period to the baby or the baby? Tell them that you find it difficult to talk about.
  • Ask parents - parents know how they feel and what they need. So ask them how you can support them.
  • Do not give up - sent you a card and you dare not call to ask how? The first period after the death of a baby or child is often very 'busy' with cards, gifts and a funeral. The period that followed it often remains silent. In that period, distraction may be welcome, or a good conversation. You can send a message to ask if the parents want to do something fun, or just to come a time to talk.
  • Great memories - get nice memories of the child or the baby. The first smile, a funny statement ... everything is good. Especially let the parents tell. When a baby dies at or shortly after birth, this is more difficult. Think earlier: "What a beautiful name you have him / her given 'and starts from a conversation here.

Forget yourself not

Of course, it is impossible to give real guidance in dealing with other people's sadness at the death of a baby or child, especially because everyone is different. So ask yourself to help others. This can be very practical, like to ask if anyone thinks to think of a good text for a ticket. It may also be larger, for example, that your pain or frustration to a close friend or eg online, by peers. This can also give as a tip to the parents if they have a need.