Many parents complain that their children do not listen or refuse to obey. Here are some avenues to explore to prevent relations from turning the power struggle.Contents of this article
- Improving the conditions of listening
- Greater use of "I" and "me"
- Pay attention to each other
- Games to encourage listening
- How to fix their attention
- Listen passive or active?
That conflicts could be avoided if we adults sometimes we were more attentive to the formulation of our requests. It's not so much what you say that determines the child's response as how to say it. How many times a day does the child hears the commands and prohibitions?
However, the accumulation of these orders and these taboos force to defend themselves, to resist. Of course, these things must be said, but they are generally more effective when they are excluded from a balance of power.
Children can listen when we speak directly to them, carefully, not so distracted or doing a thousand things at once. Slide orders to the children when we hung the phone, saying important things "in passing", is not good listening conditions.
It is better to be fully in what we say, not always in a hurry and watch the kids in the eye when talking to them; otherwise they will not feel concerned.
To be involved, it is still necessary that children can perceive things that make sense, which means that our thoughts are clear, orderly, logical, that we find the right words, a tone that does not create ambiguity .
Monika Kiel-Hinrichsen, teacher and author of "Why children do not listen," emphasizes the importance of using more the "I", the "I", so that the child perceives well who comes consulting, order, requirement, be receptive to others' thoughts.
For his part, when the child speaks, it also demands our attention. Rather than suffer our indifference or our annoyance if the time does not lend itself, he will appreciate our sincerity if we say, "I'm tired, I rest a little better and I can listen to you in a moment."
It is simply to be attentive to each other. Children like to feel taken seriously, that we understand that we will not devalue.
If you Instil a climate of listening, children will learn to listen differently, their reactions will be more positive and diminish tensions in the family.
The child needs all his senses to listen and we can teach him to use the hearing, touch, sight, taste, smell, for various games.
Have fun, for example, you speak in whispers, or rather by articulating and sufficiently chewing the words. Organize listening games blindfolded, or draw on the back of figures or drawings while it simple to recognize.
Remember mimicry games, contact games holding hands, all that develops the perception of others.
Children can listen when they are neither tired nor hungry, nor in a state of intense excitement. To fix their attention, bring a calm, inner balance, we can touch them physically, put a hand on an arm, a hand, a shoulder, and if they are small, take them in our arms or lap. We can look them in the eye.
Passive listening avoids confrontations, but it is not enough to prove that we really listen. It is therefore useful to show, saying "I understand" or a nod. This means that one is interested.
The child often needs extra support to be able to talk about her problems.
Active listening can rephrase what the child has said, this shows that it has not only heard but understood his message.